I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
