I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Randomize
