a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
