omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
jump out the window naked night went bad
Are these your boobs on my camera?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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