my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Randomize
