halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
