WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
