When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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