my sisters under your porch take her home
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Randomize
