what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Randomize
