At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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