Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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