I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
