Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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