That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
