My friends, they love my intelligence
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
