Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
