There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
