I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
