how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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