I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Houston, we have a squirter
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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