What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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