I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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