Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
