you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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