Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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