Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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