i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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