Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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