people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
