my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
