I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
