Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
