Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
