We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
