even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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