My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
