this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
