i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
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