but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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