i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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