Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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