I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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