You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Randomize
