So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
