I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
