he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Randomize
