I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
