He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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