You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
