Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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