If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
We're too hungover to prance.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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