I just threw up on my dentist
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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